Princess Leia - Came over her fear of loneliness and learnt to love herself

The Identity Quest : To be or not to be?

Princess Leia - Tazeen Ansari
July 20, 2022
Being the best of you means being the real you.

So often, we tend to create a societal version of our identity, spending many, many years, building a life around it. When what we are actually doing is trying to fit in, be liked, and   please others - for all the wrong reasons. Things go well and good until something way down in the depth of our soul starts to gnaw at us, asking us to consider some new ideas, some new ways of living, and some new desires. 

The wonderfully concrete and cohesive sense of “I am-ness” that we have created for ourselves becomes wobbly, as we’re called to reconsider what it is that we want and desire now at this point of our life.

And that is when the big question arises, “to be, or not to be?”.

From here, you can choose to resist the evaluation and opportunity for growth, forcing the status quo to remain. Which, paradoxically, is a sure-fire path to suffering and unhappiness. Or, you can get introspective and invite the process of change and growth to lead you to new horizons that, at one time, you would’ve never thought were possible.

Feeling disconnected from your genuine self and struggling to find your real identity can be a harrowing experience. But what you need to remember is that it's okay to be unsure about certain things. The human experience is all about learning and growing, which happens through change. No matter how disconnected you feel from your true self, it’s still always there and available to you.

Here are 5 ways to cope with identity struggles -

  • Practice mindfulness - Mindfulness means focusing on the present moment without worrying about the past or future. This will help you tune in with your thoughts and feelings aiding you in shifting your focus from others back onto yourself
  • Seek out new experiences - Trying new things is an excellent self-exploration tool that helps you find what you enjoy. In addition, it also helps you build self-trust and confidence by leaving your comfort zone and experiencing that you can do uncomfortable things.
  • Learn more about yourself - When you feel like you don’t know who you are, you will feel better when you allocate some of your time to get to know yourself better. Journaling is an excellent tool to get to know yourself. Make a list of things you like, write about your past experiences, and when and why you feel certain emotions. 
  • Find your values - Knowing what’s important to you is key to understanding who you are. Your values are unnegotiable beliefs. When you know what your values are, you can work on aligning your life to your values which will help you gain self-confidence and a deep sense of belonging and purpose.
  • Spend more time alone - Spending time alone can be pretty beneficial for our mental health. Unplugging from others can help us differentiate between who we are and who others want us to be. It helps us gain clarity on what our genuine goals are. 

Remember, it’s okay to change your mind about who you are, what you want, and what you believe in. To be human is to grow and change. Allow yourself to be human. Take pride in being human.

After all, living your life as the real you is the only true measure of success. 

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